Life Purpose - Who am I and what I want to do with my life

A couple of weeks ago, a person at work said to me that he was trying to figure out who he was and what he should do with his life.

Wow, what a task!

At first glance, it seems very easy. Who am I? A quick look at my driver's license tells you my name, my height and weight, and where I live.
But these are just facts. Does that really tell anyone who we are? If it is not the facts about ourselves what defines a person? Our faith? Our moral values? Our hopes and dreams? Our life goals?

... I'm not sure. All I know is that I am about 12 years older than the person who told me that, but that I am still struggling with the same questions in life. When I first looked for answers, I was probably the same age as he is right now. By now, I doubt that there will ever be an easy answer. I will never wake up in the morning thinking: Oh, this is who I am and I want to do exactly that for the rest of my life.

What a scary thought! Knowing who you are and what you are supposed to do for the rest of your life, seems almost like a punishment. Being defined and captured in a certain life for the rest of your life sounds very dull to me.

On the other hand, not knowing who you are and what you are supposed to do with your life also bears its risks. After 12 years of searching, I know the downside. If we constantly search for answers about ourselves, we miss out on life. As my Godfather once said to me: At the end of your life, it is not like you can say: Hey, I would like to get the 3/4/5 years back that I spent worrying/ being angry/ or searching for myself. We can't put life on hold, it is constantly moving.

I thought about this for a long time, and for me - which does not have to apply to anyone- I came to the following conclusion:

1. I will set myself goals in life. Goals that seem good and honorable for right now. Nothing keeps me from changing them later on. But I cannot aimlessly search and wonder through life without a goal.

2. Whenever I will have to make a decision, I will keep my goals in mind. My life needs to have a direction.

3. I will acknowledge that all my actions and decisions have consequences. Consequences that influence not only me and my goal, but also the people around me and their goals. Life is always interaction with other people. Whatever I will do, I will do in agreement with my moral values, the virtues I believe in, and my faith.

4. I don't believe what defines me is what I do. I believe what defines me is who I am, and who I am striving to be, the good I believe in.

Chores and Saturdays

I often can't help but wonder how people manage all their daily chores. I mean, there is the household, the laundry, and then my job, friends, etc. etc.
Sometimes, there just doesn't seem to be time for it all to fit into a 24 hour day. During the week, I always struggle to just get through the day and on weekends, all my household chores are waiting for me to play catch up. How do other people do it?
Well, a while ago, I decided to make Saturday morning my safe haven. I sleep in, I get up late, I make a yummy pancake breakfast and watch a romantic comedy in my pjs. I think everybody needs a safe haven like this, a part of the week when you know you can lean back, relax and put the rest of the world and all the chores on hold.
Happy Saturday morning!

Unfairness - what a blessing!

It's eating me alive! I am so mad, because I feel treated unfairly. It happens to me all the time. Over and over again:

I work really hard - and my boss or a co-worker takes credit for it.
I go above and beyond with my work - but my co-worker gets an award, even though she didn't even accomplish half as much as I did.
I struggle to afford something new - and they sell me something that has little flaws that I will only notice once I can't take it back anymore.
I save my last penny to get my car fixed, they replace a part - and two weeks later, the car starts making the same weird sounds again.

Life is not fair.

I guess it happens to all of us, but still, I feel mad about these little things in everyday life. I feel treated unfairly.

Maybe I am a little overprotective because I am a single woman. When I go to a store or bring my car to a garage, there is no man behind me that stands up for me.

Maybe they really think:
"Oh, she is just a woman, she has no clue about cars... she won't notice if we do a bad job. And she has a foreign accent - what is she going to do, anyway?"
Or maybe I'm just imagining this.

Fact is: Life is tough. And I have to be tough, too. We all do. ... Really?

The truth is: I'm not tough at all. And I don't want to be tough at all times.

I'm not the kind of person that fits well into an elbow society. I can't walk over people to get to the top. I don't always fight to get it my way. I don't want to fight all the time!

So, how can I survive in a world that is full of unfairness? What can I do so that I won't get eaten alive by all of this unfairness?

Maybe the solution requires a change of perspective. True, life is not always fair, but there are so many situations in which it was to my own advantage that life wasn't fair.

There are all the little things:
Like the colleague who was nice to me, even though I was in a really bad mood the other day. The waitress, who brought me another refill in a to-go cup, even though I definitely didn't overtip her.

There are the big things:
Like my parents - the absolutely bestest parents in the whole wide world - who I don't really deserve, when I take into account how often I yelled at them as a teenager.

And then there are the really big things:
God's mercy. The fact that he died on the cross for all my sins. Thank God that this world is unfair. Thank God that all my sins are forgiven even though I do not deserve it.

Next time, life shows its unfair side - maybe it will help to remember this. I might just be a woman with a foreign accent and no man that stands up for me at work or at the car repair, but hey! I have a God that stands up for me! So, keep your work award and your perfectly humming engines, I'll just stick with my eternal salvation, thank you very much!

Why I believe

I know a lot of people in academia who do not believe in God. They regard themselves as rational people and who "go by the facts". In their eyes, I am naive and blue-eyed. In their mind, they look at things "objectively" when really, they look down on me.

I believe there is a God out there, my God. I'm also in academia. I'm a researcher. I can tell the facts from the fiction. I notice whether an argument is sound and strong or has fallacies and flaws. Because I do not just look at facts, but also at emotions, because I do not just look at everything rationally, but with passion, because I don't just think with my brain, but also with my heart and soul - that's why I believe.